Divorce is one of the most delicate topics you could approach in discussions with your child. Although you may be tempted to lie to him and invoke various reasons why his father left home and no longer stay together, psychologists argue that it is best to be honest and tell the truth. Here's when and how it is advisable to approach the topic of divorce with your child!
When do you tell your child that you are divorcing?
If you and your husband have come to the conclusion that divorce is the only solution to the happiness of both of you, it is very important to know that the discussion with the child must take place before one of you moves out of the house. Be both involved in the discussion with your child on the topic of your separation.
Preschoolers, especially 5-6 year olds, are able to cope with such news and understand how things are. So do not think that "it is too small to predict what is happening".
More important than age, is choosing the right time to have the discussion. The small child, of 5-6 anisors, can be announced with one, two days before the actual separation, but the one of school age needs to be informed about a week before. As he grows older, he needs more time to assimilate the information and accept the idea that his parents are no longer together.
As a teenager, the child knows a lot about what is happening and without telling you, but he still needs this discussion with you. It's good to have the conversation for about two weeks before one of you moves. The child needs time to "gossip" the information, analyze and think about how their life will change after this event and it is important to be there for any questions or questions you may have.
Opt for a time of day when the child is quiet, relaxed, eaten and not sad, agitated or tired. Choose a Friday day, which is before the weekend, so that the child has time to process the information and accept the situation. This way, you will have two weekend days available to answer the questions and dilemmas that try it.
How do you tell your child about divorce?
Talk to him in a calm, friendly tone and be both relaxed, even if it's hard. Think of it as a discussion that will be remembered for a lifetime and has a powerful impact on its development. Try to "sweeten" as much as you can with this news!
It is very important for you and your husband to agree on what will be said to the child and what will not be mentioned, so as not to mislead him.
Tell him directly that you and his father will separate you and what that means for you and him. He always emphasizes that his life will not undergo major changes and that you will always be with him for whatever he needs. Also, make sure that your separation has nothing to do with him or your love for him.
Here are some other essential things to consider when discussing divorce with your child:
• do not accuse and criticize each other in front of the child for the failure of the marriage, when one is not present; you do no good to the child;
• always ask him, during the discussions, what he feels about what you tell him and if he has any questions or questions and make sure you are with him;
• mentions and underlines the fact that you and his father loved you very much over time and that when you conceived him you were the happiest, and when he came to the world he was the most beautiful and happy moment of your life; In this way, the child will not believe that it was conceived by two people who do not love each other;
• tell him how you decided to share custody and visitation rights; consult with him, listen to him and respect his opinions and wishes and assure him that you will carefully analyze his suggestions and together you will make the best decisions for him;
• If you are a teenager, make sure that not all marriages end in the same way; you do not want to be averse to the idea of marriage;
• explain to him that this discussion does not end here and that whenever he needs to know something or talk to you, you are available to him.
How did you tell the child about divorce? Tell us your experience in the comment section below!
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